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Writing. I miss the early years. It was a time
when I wrote without shame or doubt. The words came out in an awkward rush but
all I had to do was stick them to the page. And voilà. Done. Sure it was terrible, loaded with clichés, adverbs, and dripping with melodrama. But, nobody cared and I was free.
Free to write what I please,
FREE to e...........!!!
W s
r a.............
i e
t O l
e H W I P
But after studying the craft for a few years and putting myself 'out there,' even just a wee bit, I've become aware of the rules, the critics. . . Now I'm afraid to really write, I doubt everything and can't seem to make a decision about my writing--plot, point of view, writing voice, genre . . .
I understand exactly what you mean. You'd think learning the craft would make writing easier, but it only makes it easier to see your mistakes. But even though it seems harder, that's how you know your writing is actually improving! Keep going - you can do it! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou can still write freely. Just edit it before anyone lays eyes on it. :P
ReplyDeleteSeriously, Elise--great post. I miss those days, too.
What Melissa said!
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling. For me, it's the pressure to improve with each book. We can only do our best. And continue writing free, because that's what got us to that point in the first place, right?
Oh, how I wish doubt would leave, too! I think we can still write freely, though, but now we're aware. :D
ReplyDeleteThat's a great place to be! Writers pick up all kinds of fears and doubts along the way. I find wine helps me break free. Yay wine!
ReplyDeleteI hear you! I've struggled lately with finding the joy in my writing, and I'm going back to basics - to practicing the craft, to having fun with words, to letting the characters and story speak to me without worrying about them "becoming" anything, without the pressure to write something publishable every single time.
ReplyDeleteTo let it flow, undammed, onto the paper. And to have it be brilliant besides. Don't all writers secretly wish that the words would come naturally AND be thrilling enough to command an audience?
ReplyDeleteWell, said, Girl! I had so much fun writing my first plotless 125,000 word YA fantasy novel. Yeah, it basically needs to be re-written, but those were high times. I know exactly how you feel. But sometimes, even though my inner editor is on alert, I still find that magic while writing. Fleeting, yet awesome. Just keep writing. Give yourself a first draft freedom time to write, then edit later, maybe. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHow funny- that's what I wrote about today, too. Only I decided I don't care. I'm going to be me and write what comes.
ReplyDeleteBe FREE even still, Elise. You know, I sort of cringed when I cussed in my piece the other day, but sometimes the shit fits. I like the freedom to show the saintly side of me, but also the devilish side when he wants to play.
ReplyDeleteM.L. Swift, Writer
Well, you know what I always say...If the shit fits, wear it. :D
DeleteHi Elise! You'll find it again, don't worry. Unfortunately, we have to learn all the rules and techniques and make a helluva lot of mistakes before we make it to that land of freedom. Suggestion: write your first draft in that free way and dont worry about rules. Then go back and edit it with the craft in mind. That way you dont lose that magical freedom in writing. ;)
ReplyDeleteI relate to that so much. Sometimes when I start a new project I find myself second-guessing every sentence for its language richness or whatever else I feel like it needs to have. Just yesterday I gave myself a lecture to go and just write!
ReplyDeleteOh how I miss those days of freedom! It was a sweeter time, but the bitter part of it makes us stronger, better writers. If we can still manage to write.
ReplyDeleteThe cat writes free, screw everything else. But yeah editing should take place before in anothers face haha
ReplyDeleteIgnore the rules and the critics. You don't need to focus on any of that stuff. What you need will stick and nothing else is important. Really. It's the only way to get the freedom back. Easier said than done, I know, but even if you write something and it isn't great, every time you recognize where you went sour and try again you get better. The self-doubt probably never goes away entirely, unfortunately. But it does get better.
ReplyDeleteYes, that would be nice. I love Melissa's advice! Perfect, just perfect.
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you! I miss those days too. Usually a first draft (terrible writing and all) helps me recreate that magic, but it's been ages since I've drafted. Hmm, might be time to get back to working on that :)
ReplyDeleteWrite what works for you. It's very easy to get caught up in the "rules" and the critics that you'll never start a new sentence. You have to find what works for you and write the story that you would love to read. The fact that self-doubt is telling you otherwise means you care about making your writing good. Line by line, Elise. You're writing is awesome, so I know you can do it. :)
ReplyDeleteWriting without self doubt means that you don't know any better. It may sound attractive, but it's ultimately not something that I think we should wish for.
ReplyDeleteI remember those days. I had more time to write, too. After seven books, I sometimes wish I could enjoy that again.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, Elise, it would. Each month when I attend the local writer's meetings I envy the newbies who rush in excited to share the book they wrote over the weekend; unaware that they've just walked into the Lion's Den. I don't know if all my acquired knowledge has made me better or worse. One thing is for sure, it's made me more cautious.
ReplyDeleteBut it's hard to get into reverse gear. . .
ReplyDeleteYes, the freedom to write without angst, and 'did I just write that word five times. . ' questions. Hindsight always has a misty focus, and perhaps back then, you didn't have a bunch of other bloggers wanting to know how it's going, did you?
Times change, that's how we Evolve into Great Writers, in capital letters!
YES!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could be FREE!!!!!!!!!
Spot on, Elise. Spot on. :/
I understand. I think the key is to get all those rules in your head so that they're simmering in the background, so that they're a part of you, and then you write free--because on a subconscious level you are applying the rules as you go.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I've ever really had those days because I've always been so self-critical it's amazing I ever managed to get two words down on a page LOL. Now I freak about genre too because I never know what genre my books fit into. I love that this group gives us a chance to know we're not alone with these insecurities.
ReplyDeleteI
That would me nice. I think it why I love the wrimo challenges. It doesn't give you any time to think and critic and recall the rules. You just have to write.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I'm not really sure what this feels like. From the very first time I started writing, I've been the type of person to agonize over sentences before moving on, wanting them to sound as good as possible the first time round. I've tried to be more FREEEEEEE ... but I find it very difficult to let go and just WRITE!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, your post reminds me of a poem I read in one of our prescribed anthologies at school called "According to my Mood." You can find it here: http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Love-Poetry/1527717 You should read it. It might inspire you to let go of the rules for a little bit!
Amen! We all need to remember that freedom.
ReplyDeleteHey, Elise,
ReplyDeleteI think we all get that syndrome, but the lack of freedom attacks me when I'm editing. I start to wonder if things make sense. If readers will understand what I mean by that particular sentence.
Writing freely is bliss. I used to say that I couldn't wait to be published so I could break some rules, but now that I'm here, I still don't have as much freedom as I'd like.
I know what you mean. Even when I start something I want to write, I wonder what people are going to think of it instead of just writing. I think we need to remember that first drafts are just first drafts, and that's the time we can write most freely.
ReplyDeleteI agree. The more experience I get, the less experienced I feel! I worry about my writing at every stage now, whereas first drafts used to be a freeing experience. In order to concentrate, I have to forget the real world for a while - no easy task!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post that has a lot of truth! Thanks for posting this.
ReplyDeletewww.modernworld4.blogspot.com
Geez, do I feel a bit of nostalgia now? I also wrote in blissful ignorance and I think I enjoyed it more than now. I wish one could learn all the rules and stuff without getting paranoid to the point of being scared to write.
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking the other day, that once upon a time I wrote my first drafts thinking they were actually good and didn't realize until they were finished how much revision they needed.
ReplyDeleteNow I know my first drafts stink while I'm writing them, which lets some air out the happy balloon-ness of inventing the story.
Now that's a really bad metaphor, I know. See. First drafts.
That would be so lovely. I look back on my older stories and cringe, but I still love writing even though it can be scary at times.
ReplyDeleteTake some time and screw the rules. Then when you go back you'll be energized. At least that's my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. Way to many rules. I think Sheena-kay has a point. Maybe when you take breaks you could write whatever you want, the way you want it. Love your post! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what I'm going through! I'm not even enjoying writing anymore because everything I write is crap according to everybody.
ReplyDeleteYes, that freedom rules! I still am learning the rules, but doubt has now clouded the fun. Maybe we should imagine we are twelve and write the memory real fast forgetting the rules ;D
ReplyDeleteHang in there, you are not alone!
I'm hearing you Elise. These days everyone's a critic. But do you notice that often best-selling authors don't mind bandying around an adverb or two and actually pepper their prose with the much-maligned adjective. Remember, rules are made to be broken--at least occasionally.
ReplyDeleteOh Love.. LOVE your honesty here, because I think we all get stuck when we start listening to all the external crud. Sometimes I have to stay off the internet and quit reading all the how-to articles. It takes me into my critic mode and my creative mode gets afraid. That's not the way to write. At least, not initially. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThe progress and self-awareness come at a price - and can we EVER recapture that initial writing abandonment? Probably not. But we cannot go back. It's onward and upward all the way!
ReplyDeleteI love your post Elise!
Writer In Transit
So feel you on this, Elise. I got to a point where I almost gave up, because I felt like I was writing for everyone but me--and my writing sucked, too. What was the point?
ReplyDeleteThe turning point came after I admitted to myself that I knew how to write by the rules, but I wasn't taking that final step and letting myself be completely free to write the way I REALLY wanted to write. Which is weird, because I know some people struggle with the opposite; they have to learn to cut back on the 'ME' part and follow the rules a bit more. (And by rules I mean all the stuff you read in writing books, from agents, etc.)
Anyway, I finally said, "I don't give a shit if this isn't publishable. I don't give a shit if the lead character gives people a headache. I'm going to tell a story I'd pay money to read or watch on television. And I'm not going to give up until I get at least one story--short or long--written that finally reflects MY vision AND is well-written."
It took completely re-writing something I'd already thought was pretty good (it wasn't) and really pushing myself to find a voice for the main character. I knew what kind of character I wanted her to be, but everything I'd written before just wasn't that. So this time around, she cursed, snapped at her friends, showed her faults and said, "Go screw yourself"--the whole nine. And it worked! I'm not saying I ended up writing the best story on the planet or anything, but it set me free and I FINALLY found what had been missing in my previous attempts: voice. More to the point, my voice.
I think I'd been subconsciously sabotaging myself, because I was afraid if I turned myself completely loose and it still sucked, I'd have to admit I'd really failed at being a writer. So I kept saying, "Oh, I've just got more to learn, etc., etc." That, and I was maybe worried what my friends and family might say if they really knew what was going on in my head. LOL
My advice: take an existing story, or write a new one, and let the lead character go wild. That doesn't mean she has to be in your face, but whatever her quirks, issues, or habits are, push them to 11 :)--constantly. Don't worry about rules, if it's too over the top, etc. (that can all be adjusted later on anyway), just write. And include all of the one-liners and fun types of things that make you laugh, swoon, or scream when watching your favorite movies. It'll make writing fun for you again if nothing else, and you might be surprised what it does for your stories.
EJ- You managed to say in your comment what I wished I could have said in my post, except I'm still stuck somewhere in the middle. I think it's time I stop giving so many shits and just write. (:
DeleteElise, what a beautiful post. I've experienced that exact same arc. Sometimes I go back to my earlier writings and feel a bit sad about the essence that seems to have gotten lost. I'm hoping as I continue to write, I'll forget the rules that I've learned (i.e they'll become more integrated, less I have to THINK about them), and write from that free place again! I keep remind myself, it's really about the story telling, not the writing:) Heidi
ReplyDeleteYo Elise!
ReplyDelete"IWSG"? "I Was Seeking Grammar"?
How many times have I said it to y'all. Screw the rules! My human and I just hate rules. There aint no rules! We do what we want, when we want! No countin' dem words. No having a pro or antagonist.
All those crap rules are only restrictive. Right with the passion, the freedom that's there in yo head! If folks are stifled by writing according to some guidelines, how can the writing ever be a true expression of yourself. And screw the critics. This dawg don't care. Besides, nobody ever criticised my writing. As for my homie, da man, that's another story.
Stay chillin',
Snoop Bloggy Dog in da Gangsta's Pawadise!
I think a certain amount of guilt is, actually, good for us and our writing.
ReplyDeleteIt keeps us 'honest' and it keeps us caring.
The fact that you fear your doubt tells me that you really care about your writing as well as your potential audience.
Embrace the doubt and kick the fear in the junk :D
I guess you have to remember that first and foremost, you're writing for you. As long as you're happy with your work, and you know you've done your best, that's all you have control over. No matter what others say. :)
ReplyDeleteYes! I miss that feeling, too.
ReplyDeleteJust let the words flow and forget about the world. You do it because it makes you happy. People read your stuff because it makes them happy. If you stop being happy, people will stop reading. JUST BE HAPPY. =)
ReplyDeleteYou're listening to voices outside yourself; you need to listen to your inside voice.
ReplyDeleteTell me about it, lady! Before I started to "really" write, I could scribble for hours without fear or self-doubt. The more I learned, though, the more I began to doubt my abilities, which made it harder *to* write, at all. I've read a lot of books about writing, which has made it near impossible to get anything done. Think I need to put the books away and just let it flow again--to write for me again, and not for everyone else. :)
ReplyDelete