Friday, 19 April 2013


(((((: Hey guys, I'm posting R early because I'll be on the road all day Saturday and Sunday. My apologies for not being able to visit this weekend, but I will catch up on Monday. I also want to thank you for the encouraging comments you guys left in my last post. 
You all are amazing. :)))))

Rumpology is fortune telling by reading people's butts. Also called "Bottom Reading." 

"What? Are you serious?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Ugg, that's gotta be a total bummer of a job."

"May I continue?"

"Oh, right. Sorry." 

A 'rump reading' is performed by a rumpologist who examines crevices, dimples, warts, moles, and folds of a person's buttocks in much the same way a chirologist would read the palm of the hand. 

"Um, warts? Oh, that can't be a good sign."

"No, I suppose not. Can you please stop interrupting now? I'm getting behind."  

This practice not only exists, but certain rumpologists get paid butt-loads of money for their rump readings. According to astrologer Jackie Stallone, rumpology is known to have been practiced in ancient times by the Babylonians, Indians,  Ancient Greeks, and Romans. (Asstonishing) But bare in mind, she has yet to provide any evidence for this claim. (Source).  So who is this Jackie Stallone anyway? Only actor Sylvester Stallone's mother. (o_o)  

"Can I ass you a quick question?"

"That's not even funny."

"Not even a little?"


"Well that's cheeky of you."


"I'm hungry for halibut. You?"

"Stop it!"

Now, where was I? Oh yes, rumpologists have a variety of theories as to the meaning of different posterior characteristics and can preform rumpology either by sight, touch or by using buttock prints. 

"Off to the xerox machine I go!" 

*eye-roll, shakes head*

In addition to live readings, Jackie Stallone will perform circus tricks buttock readings using e-mailed digital photographs, and has claimed to predict the outcome of Presidential elections and Oscar awards by reading the bottoms of her two pet Doberman Pinschers.


"Yeah, I'm actually behind you on this one."

According to Mom Stallone, the left and right buttocks reveal a person's past and future, respectively, although she has also commented that "The crack of your behind corresponds to the division of the two hemispheres of the brain."

"Bam! Proof people really do have their head up their ass!"

"You're butting into this post--AGAIN!" 

"Sorry. You're right. It's not good for us to be butting heads like this."

"Aaahhh! You're such a pain in my--"



*Takes deep breath*  According to blind German clairvoyant and rumpologist, Ulf Beck, "an apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life. A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth." The British rumpologist Sam Amos also uses shape to diagnose personality, and claims that "A round bottom indicates the person is open, happy and optimistic in life. However, a flat bottom suggests the person is rather vain and is negative and sad." 

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Although, I'd probably feel better if my ass was perky and "apple-shape" perfect. Does my butt look flat to you?

*Throws post notes into the air* "That's it. I've hit bottom. I give up."

"Awww. Don't feel bad. This post really isn't all that it's cracked up to be. On a side note, do you think Jensen Ackles needs a rump reading? I'm thinking about another career change. . . "

Other random R_ology words

Rabdology: Method of performing arithmetical operations using Napier's bones. Graduated rods called Napier's bones are used to perform multiplication quickly.

Rheology: The science dealing with the deformation and flow of matter. 



  1. Bahahahahahaha You just cracked me up. I can barely sit on my butt for the laughter rolling through my cheeks (face cheeks--get your head out of the gutter or other places). This is my favorite A to Z post so far.
    And for the record, Jensen Ackles would seriously make me want to become a Rumpologist.

    1. PS: Have fun on the road. Don't sit too long, your butt might fall asleep. haha

  2. Hi Elise,

    Ah yes, now this is what I truly like. Some puns. Yay to puns! No ifs ands or butts, this was a intriguing read. I've heard that they require rumpologists on Uranus.

    Yes, quite the 'anal ogy' on this posterior posting. And before I do indeed make a total ass of myself, I do hope you have a peaceful time on the road this weekend.

    And with that, this comment has ahem, reached the bottom.....

  3. asstounding... but i'll get over it, if i can get past my sleeping butt... how do i know it's asleep? just heard it snore ;) lmfao

    be careful out there :)

    85F yesterday, 60F last night... going down to 34F tonite... flurries by morning; windy, with a high of 36-37F for tomorrow

  4. Elise, that was hilarious! And unbelievable. And anything else I can think of...

  5. I am very glad that I'm not a rumpologist ;-)

  6. hahahahaha that was awesome, but sadly not the first time I've heard of it. Sure a full moon with rumpology every time.

  7. Well I'm damned, its quite true, I just Googled and you weren't kidding about Stallone et al. It was a funny post I must say.

    I am curious about the cat pix, looks like Grumpy Cat.


  8. Hilarious, Elise. I wondered as soon as you mentioned her if that was Rambo's mother. . . she's always been around the entertainment business, hasn't she?

  9. I've never heard of rumpology before until now. I imagine that rumpologists must be very busy at work when they're at the pool or the beach.

  10. Rumpology is just crazy in my opinion. Oh yes I watched on television years ago with Jackie doing this stuff. Definitely not for me. I love that pic at the end with the quote and the cat. And you're welcome for encouraging you yesterday. We love you Elise.

  11. Hi Elise .. that's just amazing - the media must be full of rumpologists after the Duchess of Cambridge's sister Pippa Middleton stealing the show with her rump derriere proceeding down Westminster Abbey?! Now it's Maggie Thatcher's granddaughter, Amanda, (American) ... honestly you'd think humanity would have better things to do .. oh well perhaps if my rump deserved to be exposed and then read .. I'd be ?'kinda' happy!!

    Fun, fun read .. Hilary

  12. You had me laughing all the way through this post. It was great for a Saturday morning. Rumpology, I can't believe the type of things people do for a living, seriously.

  13. I thought you were making it up but then you mentioned Jackie Stallone abd what better seal of authenticity is there?

    Moody Writing

  14. LOL!?!?!?!?

    (sorry...that's all I can think to say for this one--thanks for the laugh, Elise!!!)

  15. Kelly, can you handle this?
    Michelle, can you handle this?
    Beyonce, can you handle this?
    I don't think they can handle this

    Better move, 'cause we've arrived
    Lookin' sexy, lookin' fly
    Baddest chick, chick inside
    DJ, jam tonight

    Spotted me, a tender thang
    There you are, come on baby
    Don't you wanna dance with me?
    Can you handle, handle me?

    You gotta do much better
    If you're gonna dance with me tonight
    You gotta work your jelly
    If you're gonna dance with me tonight

    Read my lips carefully, if you like what you see
    Move, groove, prove you can hang with me
    By the looks I got you shook up and scared of me
    Buckle your seatbelt, it's time for takeoff

    I don't think you're ready for this jelly
    I don't think you're ready for this jelly
    I don't think you're ready for this
    'Cause my body's too bootylicious for ya babe

    (__!__) <== shake shake shake

  16. This is so funny on so many level. First the absurdity of the entire rumpology concept, they fact that they get paid to stare at bottoms, and the format presented here with the interrupting, just left me rolling on the floor laughing.

    Visiting from AtoZ #41


  17. Asstronomical reflects of one's moon!
    So funny...
    I almost choked on my Iced Tea....
    Thanks for cracking me up ;D

  18. ASStounding! LOL
    The things people do for fame... and you mean to tell me that others paid her to analyse their butts?
    That's a joke... one of ASStronomical proportions!!

    Writer In Transit

    P.S. Enjoy the trip!

  19. I couldn't help butt read this to the tail end, even if I was running a little behind.

  20. Rumpology? Really? No ifs, ands, or butts? Wait! Forget that last one. Finally fortune telling I can get behind.

    What a crack-up, Elise! I laughed so hard my cheeks hurt.

    VR Barkowski

  21. This was a hilarious post!!

    And if Jensen Ackles needs a rump reading, I volunteer...

  22. Can my fat ass just mean I ate too many donuts?

  23. I guess I found a retirement job. I'm going to be very picky about my clients though.

  24. Oh Lord, I can't... oh my gut hurts. Hold on... laughing... brb
    Ok, I'm composed now. This is was good!

  25. Omgoodness hilarious!! I don't want that job and I'm so happy I don't have a flat ass:)

  26. Grumpy kitty is a Rumpologist? Baahahahah!

  27. She's probably just checking for tattoos and calling it a science.

  28. Sounds like Jackie is taking asstrology a bit too far.

  29. I had to Google this to see if you were putting me on but sure enough, there it was on Wikipdeia. And I thought I'd heard it all! Hilarious.


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