Tuesday 16 October 2012

Writing: A Vocation of Unhappiness

 "Ecrire n'est pas une profession, mais une vocation pour le malheur," or "Writing is not a profession, but a vocation for unhappiness."Georges Simenon (1903-1989)

According to many surveys, artists and writers rank among the top 10 careers with the highest rates of depression. So what is it about writing that is so conducive to depression? Is it writing itself that eventually makes us all miserable, or does the writing profession attract people who are already predisposed to depressive states?  


One thing that I do know, is loneliness and isolation are often triggers of certain types of depression, and I think many of us can agree that writing is a long and lonely journey at best. You can surround yourself with one hundred people or more if you want (I think that would annoy the crap out of me), but when it comes down to the page, it's just you, your words and your thoughts. No one else but you can pull the right words out of your head and tell your story. 


Writers are also good at isolating themselves. They need this time away from the "real" world in order to get back to their universe and inside the minds of their characters which, can range from the most pure to the darkest of all psychopaths. We often hurt and torture our characters and in the process, we torture a bit of ourselves. Now, combine all that with the need for constant approval, the fear of failure, a tendency for depression and an unstable income, and you have yourself a very self-destructive cocktail.

And then, there's this strange multifaceted paradox I see among writers. On the one hand, writing is supposed to be therapeutic and  healing, a way of dealing with emotions and letting go of built up negativity.  But on the other, we often hate what we write, believing our manuscripts to be the worst ever written in recorded history,  and that it should die a slow and horrible death in a blazing fire before subjecting its ghastliness to our peers who will undoubtedly laugh and point fingers at us. Over time, this kind of thinking breaks down a persons confidence, stifles creativity and erects a tower of insecurity in its place. And yet, like a true masochist we keep on writing because if we don't, we feel guilty about it or worse. *sighs*


Novelist Simon Brett, says there are two stages where writers are particularly vulnerable to depression. The first happens at around three-fourth of your way into the book which Brett calls it the three-quarters sag. It's the point where you hate what you've written so far but hang onto the idea of a good ending. The second vulnerable point is once the book is finished. There's about a twenty-four hour period of relief and euphoria. This feeling is followed by a rush of negativity to the forefront of your mind that's caused by the insecurities you managed to shut out until now. Will people like the book? What will the critics think? Will it ever get published?  Is it as good as the previous? What do I do now? ...

On top of all this emotional turmoil, many long time writers also suffer from physical health problems that can be anything from weight issues to back, neck and shoulder issues to the simple lack of sunshine and regular exercise. Many are also sleep deprived and routinely give the proverbial middle finger to their circadian rhythm as they write well into the night, and/or wake up early in the morning to continue their manuscript. Not to mention the nights fragmented by an idea, word or sentence that must be scribble down on the notepad you have laying on the nightstand. 


And what's unfortunate is the belief by some, that you can only write a good manuscript if you are a depressed and tortured artist. The problem with that is chronic depression usually has the opposite effect causing fatigue and a general loss of interest in the things you used to enjoy, like writing. It lowers your ability to concentrate, suppress creativity and generates negative feelings such as angst and anxiety, panic, grief, desperation, irritability until you start courting dark thoughts of death even suicide. If you're depressed, be willing to admit it and talk to someone, that's the first step. Then get professional help. You're not going to write your next best thing if you're six feet under.


 

How do you guys deal with depression and or the writing blues. Do you think it's possible to become a good writer without enduring the bouts of internal turmoil and depression? 

*****

Kay Jamison, a professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University and the author of "Touched With Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament," said writers were 10 to 20 times as likely as other people to suffer manic-depressive or depressive illnesses, which lead to suicide more often than any other mental disorders do.

*****

“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.” Edgar Allan Poe




54 comments:

  1. Such a great post, Elise! I think most of the insecurity and/or depression in writing, for me, stems from the subjectivity of what we do. I, and many other writers I think, are completion/goal oriented folks. We like a firm "you're done" or "it's good" in life in general.

    You'll never get that in writing. For every 1,000 people who adore what you've written, there'll be 300 more waiting to rip it to shreds. For every accomplishment you make, there are dozens more who've already done it, and probably in less time and to greater ends.

    The challenge is to be happy with your own efforts and outcomes. I definitely agree with your thoughts on isolation leading to some problems, but I think that's part of the answer as well. Being happy and confident in what you create because you love it, even if others don't, or you simply haven't been recognized for it. That's the key. For me at least. :-)

    Again, great post. Thanks for sharing it.

    EJ

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  2. Deep post today, Elise. I think this describes me to a tee. The way I cope is to try and limit my writing to just a few hours a week. I don't write every day. I try to find other activities to regulate my social life and to invest in physical fitness. All things in moderation. Otherwise the depression caused by loneliness can definitely sit in. It helps to be able to switch my creativity to drawing or painting with the television on. So I can go back and forth from my easel to my computer.

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  3. Wow, we really are a bunch of masochists. The way I fight depression is to stay grounded in my real life. Realize that I am a person outside of my writing. Also, the writing community helps, to realize I am not alone, that others feel the same or have struggled with it too. Plus, chocolate helps. A lot.

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  4. I don't believe one has to be depressed or tortured. My life has always been even-keeled and I'm at peace with myself. No chance to be lonely - I have family, church friends, and all my blogging buddies!

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  5. Depression is a psychological problem, sometimes due to chemical embalances in the brain. Bi-polar disoder and depression are treatable for many people with drugs. I don't believe writing, or all the negative aspects of it, lead to depression. If it does, it would be a very mild depression, easily overcome. People who are depressed are dealing with something they cannot control. (Some psychologists would dispute that.)

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  6. What a fascinating post, Elise! We are all a bit twisted, that's for sure... though I feel like I'm in a good place mentally right now--balance is key. And it's such a hard balance to keep! Gah. ;)

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  7. Wow. Good post, Elise. Honest and poignant. I don't think we come into this thing depressed--it happens along the way. :(

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  8. E.J.: I agree, a lot of us are goal oriented and rarely satisfied with the outcome. But simple goal setting can help and remembering the little things that makes us love what we do. (:

    Michael: Hakuna matata. I'm glad you keep yourself busy with outside activities other than writing. Not only are you artistically inclined, you're also highly tuned into the left side of your brain as well... don't isolate yourself, stay physically active, eat well, be happy. Hugs (:

    Sara: The writing community really does help get through the tough times, it's amazing how generous people are. And I agree, chocolate helps a lot! (;

    Alex: A strong support system is invaluable, you're a lucky man. And the blogging community is happy to have you! (:

    Richard: This is a topic I'd love to sit down with you and have a long discussion. I think the negative aspects of writing and/or external factors in life can have an impact on our state of mind. After a while, this can lead to a chemical imbalance in the brain. There are many forms of depression from mild to chronic and bi-polar. The more severe cases often need professional help and medication and I agree that they are dealing with something out of their control...

    Morgan: Thanks Morgan. Maintaining balance can be tricky at times. Glad you've found your balance, hold onto it and stay happy my friend. (:

    Linda: Thanks hon. I think some of us are more fragile, and certain external factors can put them more at risk, but we are far from understanding every aspect of the different states of depression. Eat well and be happy. (:

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  9. Elise, this is such a thought-provoking post. I have some of the stuff you talk about and they're exacerbated by long hours at the computer at work and home. Bad back, lack of sleep and exercise, wrist problems and the fact that I'm prone to weight gain. If I allow myself, when I fall into a funk, it can last for ages. Thing is, that I realize when I'm depressed and make a conscious effort not to think negative thoughts and stay in that frame of mind. I also believe that trait toward depression is simply part of my personality.

    Your article lit up a light bulb for me. It takes me forever to write the final chapter of a book. I'm editing the sequel to Distraction (thanks for including it on your sidebar. Big smile here) and still haven't written the final chapter - if you can believe that. I think I'm tricking myself into not saying goodbye to this book if I don't write the last chapter even though I know what's supposed to happen. I have def. come to believe that writers have some strange thought processes that other people can't fathom.

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  10. This is really a fantastic post. I think Simon Brett had something there as I recognized myself in that paragraph.

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  11. Great post, Elise! I completely agree writing is a lonely journey but never do I try to get myself depressed. I think too much to get depressed!

    BUT...the writing journey isn't lonely if you have the writing community (in the blogosphere) along your side cheering you on! I don't feel as lonely now that I have all ya guys giving me support and encouragement. Still, it is lonely once you're offline.

    How do I tolerate my lonliness of being a writer? I go to many movies and that stops me thinking about my writing future for just TWO HOURS, which ain't bad.

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  12. J.L.: I'm glad this post helped. Positive thinking is really important especially if you're prone to depressive states. You're doing an amazing job writing your books and getting them out there, don't forget that. The last chapter to your sequel will come when you're ready. You may be writing something that you hold close to your heart and you may need more time to process it all. I had trouble three-fourths of the way into my ms. I had the ending written but couldn't write the chapter before it that connect to the rest of the ms. We really do have trouble letting go sometimes. Keep your head up, and if you can, get in some regular exercise because that really does help. Hugs (:

    M.J.: I recognized myself in Brett's example too. I got pretty bummed in my ms right before the ending. Had the ending written but couldn't connect it to the rest. It was frustrating.

    Livia: Watching a good movie is a great escape, even if temporary, plus it can provide much needed humor. And I agree, the blogosphere and all it's fabulous bloggers are an awesome support!

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  13. New follower here. Alex C. referred to your blog...

    I think the gift and burden that many artists and writers share is that we can be sensitive and prone to over-analyzing things. On one hand, our ability to feel so intensely can help us with our work, but sometimes it can also make us moody.

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  14. I wholeheartedly agree with Simon Brett! Those are the main times my doubts kick in!

    I actually suffer from anxiety, and have since I was a teenager, so maybe writing isn't the best profession for me LOL! However, I've found that since I've been really taking writing seriously, I've never felt happier. Sure, there are times when it's overwhelming, stressful and scary but for the most part, I feel better since I started doing something I really love.

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  15. Hey,

    Wow... great article, and I don't mean to sound surprised (you *are* a great writer) but I'm used to your more upbeat posts:)

    OK, so I'm 43 and have been an "adult" for 25 years. I suffered through a great depression the first half of my grown-up years, but ever since I decided to become a writer, things improved.

    I'm not perfect now (you know that) but I'm happier and excited to soon finish WIP #1.

    Then it's off to WIP #2 and we'll just go from there.

    Even though I lived next door to Ernest Hemmingway's house in Key West - I will never be as good as himm but I won't end up like him, either.

    Thanks for sharing - and if *you're* feeling a bit down, I hope you know you got a ton of pals out here :)

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  16. I've found that depression tends to be cyclical and things that seem hopeless one day can seem perfectly okay another with no real change in circumstances. That being the case I tend to ignore my feelings, good or bad, about my writing and focus on finishing it to a reasonable standard.

    Whether I feel that way after I start sending stuff out I don't know.

    mood
    Moody Writing

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  17. Cynthia: Absolutely agree. We tend to be a sensitive bunch and it's often difficult to put things into perspective and not allow the little things take on so much importance. Thanks for the follow, happy to follow you back too!

    Kyra: That's awesome. So glad writing has been a big help to you. You've got a lot to be proud of. (:

    Mark: No one's perfect Mark, (well except little women that wear size 5 shoes (; ) Awesome to know writing pulled you out of the dark. And just knowing I've got blogging pals to turn to if need be, helps a lot. (:

    Mood: I haven't noticed a cyclical pattern, but I haven't really been looking for one either. Wouldn't be surprised to find one though. Being able to ignore your feelings sounds like a superpower. :D

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  18. I don't think writers in today's world need to be tortured souls. We've all had tough and depressing times in our life that gives us insight, but we don't have to stay there to be "artists".

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  19. Ernest Hemingway (his life ending in depression and suicide) said “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” Considering that mostly I am at peace that does not speak well of my own intelligence!

    He also wrote, “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”

    We as writers must work alone. That, as you say, has its consequences. We toil long hours on our dreams and hold them out to the public to be accepted or denied. When your dream of prose is rejected, your very self is rejected. How can that not be painful?

    So we must as Hemingway suggested find fulfilment and joy in the process and realize the very act of creating something out of nothing is healing if we but look at it that way. Excellent post, Elise.

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  20. I would imagine that severe depression amongst writers was more prevalent in the "pre-technological" era.
    As modern-day writers, we are in a far better position to deal with and manage depression and "writerly blues", simply because we have modern technology which has enabled us to reach out to other writers and thereby reduce the isolation factor.
    Think back to the writers of yesteryear, cooped up behind a typewriter with no Internet, no BlogLand, no blog hops, no Facebook, no Twitter, Triberr, Linkedin (well , I suppose that was their writing reality) .. and if a writer received rejection after rejection... then what? Did the self-published option exist?
    Writing buddies, beta readers, CP's, writing conferences, online writing courses... my point is that today's writer has a wide selection of tools at his disposal...
    I suppose that when you are offline then it's back to basics - you and the blank page in front of you!

    But I suppose that once you are offline, then it's back to the reality - you and that blank page!

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  21. Very interesting post, Elise. Sleeping well, eating well, and getting outside into the fresh air (even for just a short walk) are so important for me to stay happy and healthy.

    I don't think writers *need* to be tortured souls to write amazing things (or write anything at all), but I can see how the lifestyle many of us lead could *make* us that way if we aren't careful.

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  22. A great post! I don't feel the sting of writing depression, but I do feel the sting of something while in my characters mindset. My books lean on the dark side and pulling out of that mindset has to be deliberate. I sing and dance like a wild child and feel all better. But it leads me to wonder...

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  23. That's an interesting concept. There are many aspects of writing that can be depressing, it's true: inability to come up with a decent plot, dissatisfaction with a work that's taken ages to produce, and - probably the main one - rejection. Rejection's terrible. So the fact that many writers are depressed doesn't surprise me.

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  24. I can see why people would get depressed about writing, but I'm the opposite. Writing makes me happy. I can always tell when I've neglected my writing for too long because I do slip back into depression during those times.

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  25. Southpaw: I agree we don't have to stay there and shouldn't. But for some people it's out of their control and the only way out is with medical treatment.

    Roland: The list of writers that have committed suicide and or suffered from extreme cases of depression is long. ): And I agree that it's the journey that matters. We're not on this rock for very long. Would be a shame to spend too much of that precious time in the dark places of our minds.

    Michelle: You're right that back in the day, writers had less to no support from the writing community, but maybe there was less stress placed on them as well. Less authors to be compared to, less competition, less marketing, etc. Things moved a little slower... I guess we all need to adapt to our times, or something like that. (:

    Stacey: I totally agree. Eat, sleep and get outside for a breath of fresh air is so important for a healthy body and mind. (:

    E. Arroyo: Hi, thanks for stopping by and commenting. I can see how writing dark type books could have an effect on you. And you're right, getting out of that funk needs to be a deliberate act, though sometimes writers don't want to get out right away. I need to dance with my kids more. (:

    Susan: Rejection has to be one of the worst. I haven't gotten to that stage yet, but I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for it.

    Cherie: Well that's awesome. Nothing better than doing something that makes you happy. (: Writing makes me happy too, but there are times when things get dark.

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  26. I think it's quite possible to be a writer (or any kind of artist) without experiencing serious depression--though everyone gets dismayed and discouraged when their endeavors aren't working out the way they wanted them to, probably.

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  27. I think writing must cause depression because I became chronically depressed all of a sudden when I started writing regularly back in January of this year. I hadn't really made it a very regular practice until then. Reading your post makes me think I may have hit on why I've been having it this year, and not before.

    So interesting. Thanks for this awesome post. :)

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  28. good points...

    i write to get the damn thing out... then deal with the next beast wanting out, too!

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  29. Elise, I have to tell you that I have visited your site a few times this week, read and re-read this post and it moves me. I just haven't been able to find the right words to leave a comment, so I have decided to let you know I stopped by.

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  30. Really interesting post, Elise.

    I'm sure we need to be careful and differentiate clinical dx with common everyday blues, but either one can be a problem.

    Those who suffer from bipolar disorder are often very creative and productive in their hypo-manic states, so it would follow that they might channel that into writing. Same with the inward focus and endless thoughts of those with depression, if they're not so low as to be shut down and nonproductive.

    I can also relate to the subjectivity and scrutiny angle. Even with crits, we put ourselves out there and open ourselves up for criticism. Even when it's constructively given, it's still hard to take.

    I'm a loner and I crave time by myself, so writing suits me. But I'm already starting to see the ill effects of sitting for long periods without enough fresh air and exercise. I won't give up writing--I love it too much--but I had best alter my ways.

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  31. Hi Elise - I am just so glad I don't suffer in that direction - but can quite understand it ... and SADS (Seasonal Affective Disorder) - winter blues etc .. can strike so easily at this time of year.

    Do you know Gary -- he's writing about mental disorder at the moment ..
    http://klahanie.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/we-are-all-in-this-together.html

    He has some wise advice, having suffered from the challenges for many years ...

    You've created an excellent set of comments and replies here - they'll be interesting to many ... cheers for now - Hilary

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  32. lawolf: I'm glad you write it out, wouldn't want you to keep the beast inside for too long! :P

    Carolyn: Hugs. Wish we didn't live so far apart, I'd have you over for wine and chocolate. (:

    Melissa: I'm so glad you stopped by and commented. You're absolutely right, there are huge differences between clinical depression and the everyday blues, and I value your input as someone in the medical field. I think part of the problem with some writers is being able to tell the difference between the two.

    The hardest part I have about crits are the ones that say they are going to critique, but don't. I remember giving my first chapter to a crit a long time ago who *offered* to critique it. When I got it back all they did was change a few words in the first paragraph and then nothing for the rest of the following twelve pages. It was as if it was so terrible that they didn't even bother to read the rest. (Granted, it probably was terrible, but if it had been perfect I wouldn't have needed a crit, right?) Anyway, I was a super newbie and very insecure so I never asked about it or why they didn't offer anything more...anyway that left a bad taste in my mouth for long time. I'm happy to say my current beta reader and editor are awesome and actually do what they say and give excellent feedback.

    I understand some people like their time to themselves, but that may change with age. You don't need to give up writing, but be careful it doesn't cut you from the world. Hugs!!! (:

    Hilary: Thanks Hilary and I'm glad you don't have to deal with this either, I wish no one had to. And thanks for providing the link to Gary's site, no I don't know him but I will check out his post. (:

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    1. indeedy... it eats you up, from the inside! ;)

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  33. Gosh, I hope I can be a good writer without getting depressed. I'm like the complete opposite of depressed.

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  34. It is easy to isolate myself. On top of that I'm a reserved person anyway. But I need to engage, and it helps that I write middle grade. It's fun and uplifting even during the hard moments of a story.

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  35. Wow, what a great post. I think part of the reason why writing can be so lonely is that no matter how much description, detail, etc. you give, no one ever really sees the story the way you do. It might sound odd, but that really is kind of a sad feeling.

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  36. I was cracking up as I read this. We writers (and artists) are sure twisted beings! Great post!

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  37. Kelley: That's awesome, keep writing girl! (:

    Barbara: Hi Barbara, thanks for commenting. I think it helps that you write MG too. Maybe the trick for some writers who easily get the blues is to switch genres once in a while, take a break and write something more fun.

    Samantha: Hi, thanks for stopping in. I like your take on that because it's true. Everyone will have a slightly different interpretation of our story and will never see it exactly the way we do.

    Sherry: Glad you enjoyed it! (:

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  38. Great post! I swear some days I'm bipolar when it comes to my writing. :D Mostly that's when I get rejections. Then I remember why I write and I feel better. I probably helps that I get exercise.

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    1. Everyone has their ups and downs and I agree, exercise does help. I wish more writers would include it into their daily routine.

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  39. I usually have too much coffe in the morning and too much wine in me at night to be depressed. I look at every day as a gift and try to love people the best I can, and knowing this is the best I can do this helps keep me in a joyuous mood.

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    1. What a great attitude! I'm switching to coffee. (:

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  40. Wow, you hear about it, it makes sense, but luckily it doesn't happen for me. Writing is more of my release than it is do or survive. great blog!

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    1. Thanks Tammy, I'm glad you're able to channel your writing and use it as a release. Wish more writers could do that.

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  41. Very good post. I've always thought there was a connection between writing and depression. This post explains a lot of the why. Thank for sharing.

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    1. Thanks for stopping in Jessica and glad you enjoyed the post. (:

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  42. I think us creative types just know ourselves more betterer/feel things more deeply-er than reg'lar folks. Also, though it's true I battle the blues, it's never my writing that brings me down - it's agents' inability to see "le awesomeness that is my work" as viable commercial options that does it (she said modestly). :-)
    Mina's Resurrection Blogfest!

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    1. You'll find that agent Mina, I just know you will!

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  43. I actually struggle with this a lot...it's done quite the number on my life. Plus, I'm 31 years old now and have failed to write (beyond a bit here or there) for the last 3 years. The regret is huge huge huge. And guilt.
    Double sigh.
    Would love to chat more with you about it if you are open to that.
    I've always had a "holistic" approach to things, but feel I may have to give in to trial meds...pains me to do....but I have rejected them for 3 years now and things just have been the same or worse.
    The regret of the unwritten word is another thing that stifles me.
    I also have anxiety; so I compare myself to others or feel a lot of "shoulds" or freak outs or competitive (all so silly....but it's "there"). Jeesh, a ball of fun :)

    Jill

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    1. Jill, I really really, hope you come back to check for replies. I would have emailed but you have your profiled locked down pretty tight. Where to begin...First, the guilt. I wish I could take it from you and smash it into a million pieces and toss it out with the trash. So you're 31 and haven't written in 3 years because of depression, NOTHING to feel guilty about. If anything, you are entering an age where you have lived life a little and experienced some pretty strong emotions. When you're ready to write again, you will have a tool box of emotions full from which to draw from and credibility to back it up, something most people can't do when in their 20s. I also believe in a holistic approach and often try that way first, BUT if it doesn't work, I will go the traditional route and I won't feel guilty about it because at least I would have given the alternative a shot. What's important is healing yourself from the inside, out and three years is a long time to live with all that suffering. Maybe it's time to try something different and talk to a professional, don't you think? And don't regret the unwritten word. If you're like me, and it sounds like we have some things in common, then you've never really stopped writing, you've just been doing it all in your head. When you're ready, the three years you've spent inside your head will come pouring out onto paper. Anxiety, self-doubt, I know a ton of writers that suffer from these feelings, myself included. It helps to talk about it and write it down to get these feelings out of your system. I think you need to make that decision that it's time. It's time to Let. It. Go. And by "it" I mean the negativity and past emotional trauma that feeds your depression. Then, talk to someone and get help. We can't do it alone. I hope some of this helps. (:

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    2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    3. oh, and "outstanded" = astounded....
      did I mention I've become dumber and unfocused over the last few years?

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    4. I got your message Jill. You should get a message from me today. (:

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    5. Oh, and my email should be listed at the top of the screen in Blogger's navigation bar. If not it's thefallingwitch at gmail dot com.

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