Monday, 5 March 2012

Second Campaigner Challenge!

For the second Campaigner Challenge, Rachael has given us 5 prompts and a range of different activities to choose from. I've decided to have a go at #2:

Write a short story/flash fiction piece of less than 200 words based on the prompts.

I wasn't sure if we could pick a prompt to write about or not, so I just used them all! I've labeled the prompts in green to make it easier to identify them in my text.

Prompt 1: (boy and mother at the end)Two people are sitting together under the remains of a concrete bridge. Their backs are against a rusted bridge support. One person’s leg is cut. The other person has wet hair.

Prompt 2: (child on bridge)



Prompt 3 (water cone)


Prompt 4 (the Recycle Mines)


Prompt 5 (energy flare)


Here is my flash fiction entitled: The Insubordinate. Enjoy!


            “This is your last test. Pass, and you will escape the Recycle Mines.” Images of children forced to work the mines haunted my thoughts. I’d do anything to avoid that kind of punishment.

            I nodded, keeping my eyes to the horizon. I knew better than to look directly at the Culperion.

            On the bridge is a human child. Do you see him?” Focusing my mind, I activated the artificial photoreceptors in my right eye. The bridge was miles away, but the target and his mother came into view as if they were at arms length. 

            I nodded again.

            “Blow the bridge.”

            Instead of charging with heat, my hands went cold. Did I hear him correctly?

            “Obey subordinate! Blow the bridge, now!”

            Adrenalin filled tears rushed from my eyes. My hands charged with white heat. I took aim. The bridge... I knew what I had to do. I released an energy flare taking out both support beams. The bridge began to collapse. I immediately released a second blast, the water cone. It funnelled through the air encapsulating the humans. A scraped knee and wet hair among the concrete rubble is all they would endure. I however, would suffer for my insubordination.    

-----

77 comments:

  1. Great job! Not a world I would like to live in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not a world I'd like to live in either! lol! Thanks Siv for stopping and commenting. My writing does tend to be a little on the "dark side." (;

      Delete
  2. Great entry! Seems like the prompts invite dystopian.
    I like your writing style. All the prompts were seamlessly involved. Not forced at all. Well done. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for such a nice compliment!

      Delete
  3. Intriguing entry! Would love to read more :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Meradeth, it's really tempting to keep going...(;

      Delete
  4. Ooh, really clever how you put all those prompts together, and tied in the last line with the title. Well done :-)

    xx Rachel
    My entry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Rachel have a Happy Launch Day!

      Delete
  5. Cool! Nice work fitting in all those prompts! (And new follower... wanted to say thanks for your kind comment and I'll look forward to your future posts!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment and the follow! I'm your newest follower too. Love these challenges and getting to meet so many awesome folks!

      Delete
  6. Ooo. NICE. Very well-written.
    Melissa Maygrove - entry #14

    ReplyDelete
  7. a cunning subordinate, obeying yet saving. great job!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I like it, really like it. Such a great idea out of those pictures/prompts. You weave the story together so easily. Great job. +1 like.

    Kevin Hiatt
    #19

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kevin, I really, really appreciate the comment. (:

      Delete
  9. Great job, Elise! I found this challenge very, um...challenging! Really difficult to pull all those prompts together, especially writing it outside my genre. I'm enjoying reading everyone else's entries though. Your story is well-thought out and executed. Awesome! I'm a new follower and entry #5. Nice to meet you!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice to meet you too. Just read your entry and really enjoyed it as well as your pitch! I find writing a pitch or blurb about the hardest things to execute and you did it so well! (:

      Delete
  10. Such a great idea! This was a very challenging campaign, but you seemed to pull this off effortlessly! Wow, great job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Ashley for the comment! These challenges really stretch my brain but are so much fun. The best part, reading all the other entries!

      Delete
  11. Nicely done. Only thing is there shouldn't be a comma in "on the bridge is a human child." Liking this now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Esther for the comment! I have a love/hate relationship with the comma. (; I'll make the correction after the voting.

      Delete
  12. I totally want photoreceptors in my eyes.

    #38

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Gwen, thanks for stopping by! I like to have artificial photoreceptors in my eyes too (: But I'd have to be able to turn off the zoom after my kids demolish their rooms! (;

      Delete
  13. Ohhh well done! Creative, intriguing and leaves me wanting more. Great job! (#30)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad you enjoyed it Liza and thanks for the comment!

      Delete
  14. Aww, so glad she didn't kill them. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Great job! You painted a vivid picture in such a short amount of words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, it was not easy keeping it short. I had to fiddle with the ending for a while before getting it to 200.

      Delete
  16. So many great ideas in this. All tied together very nicely too, which is one of the hardest parts of this. Like it a lot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Nick and thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it!

      Delete
  17. Wow, Elise. That must have been difficult to write. It always is heart-breaking to craft something where people will get hurt. However, you brought a twist of morality into it. Well done. I felt the anguish, the emotion you wanted me to feel. Nice!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. (: I glad you felt the anguish in this piece. I'm never sure if certain emotions come across properly. I'm glad you liked it and thank you for your comment!

      Delete
  18. Wow, I like it! Really unique perspective on the prompts!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I love, love, love this entry! :D

    ReplyDelete
  20. You did a great job- nice writing! It stood apart from the other entrys for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the compliment, so glad you enjoyed it!

      Delete
  21. Good job!! What a nightmare world to live in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! Maybe I need to eat a bag of Skittles before writing the next challenge, lol!

      Delete
  22. Wow I like this. You've done a lot with 200 words and managed to fit the prompts in very nicely :-)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Very nice! Great way to make all the prompts flow together. :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh, I love how you used the prompts. Good job. I would love to read more!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Thanks Alynza and Jessica! These prompts were crazy to try to put together. Glad you liked the entry and thanks for stopping by. (:

    ReplyDelete
  26. I really like this piece!
    The prompts all came together and the piece gelled effortlessly...
    I'm no#103.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mish for stopping by, off the check out your entry! (:

      Delete
  27. Phew! Saved them from a terrible death anyway. Well done on getting all the prompts included too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you liked it Susan and thanks for the comment!

      Delete
  28. Loved it. From the title to the ending! Great job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mina I really appreciate your comment! (:

      Delete
  29. That's a very intense little piece. I enjoyed it.

    #46

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm gald you enjoyed it. I'm off to read your entry, I've gotten a little behind on getting around to everyone (; Thanks for stopping by!

      Delete
  30. Hi! Wanted to let you know that your entry has been shortlisted to move onto Stage Two. Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If a smile could do a little dance, it would be mine right now. Thank you Lori, you just made my day. In fact, I believe you've just made my week! (=

      Delete
  31. Congrats, indeed! Definitely worth it! I love the strength of your character to defy her superior in order to save the boy & his mother. Well done!

    (BTW, I'm Susan from My Withershins. Sometimes it's difficult to use my WordPress persona when commenting on Blogspot.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan, I think WordPress and Blogspot need to shake hands and get along! (: Thanks for stopping and I'm happy you enjoyed my entry, it was fun to write...it brought out the teenage rebel in me. XD

      Delete
  32. Hi Elise: Love your premise/use of prompts! You've been moved to the semi-final round of judging. Congrats.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! I can't believe it! Thank you very, very much and I'm honored to be in the semi-final round.

      Delete
  33. Congratulations! You have moved to the finals!

    ReplyDelete
  34. I like the idea with the recycle mines and how the MC of this little piece saved the mother and child. After all, the bridge got destroyed ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Treelight, the idea of the recycle mines came quick for some reason, the others however were harder for me to place. (:

      Delete
  35. I would hate to be that character; there aren't any good options for him/her, subordinate or insubordinate.

    Great entry! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment! I'd hate to be this character too. I don't know why I place my MCs in such terrible situations!

      Delete
  36. Good for him, helping the humans against his supervisor's wishes! :) Thanks for sharing.

    But your captchas are making it hard to comment. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Chirs for the comment! Not sure what to do about the captchas... I'll have to look into it, blogger has been giving me the fits lately... but I'm glad you got through, I appreciate it.

      Delete
  37. Fantastic story, want to know more....sorry for being so late in visiting but had some problems with my desktop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No worries Rek, thanks for stopping by and I'm glad you like the fiction piece. Sorry to hear about your desktop troubles, I've been having issues with blogger. Computers can drive us all nuts sometimes!! (:

      Delete
  38. Congratulations Elise, I really enjoyed reading this and feeling the "subordinate's" pain as he/she had to decide what to do. I've awarded you tenth place in the Judging Round! Make sure you check out my post to see the cool prize you've won :)

    Congrats again!

    Hugs,

    Rach

    ReplyDelete
  39. Thank you Rachael! *doing the happy dance*
    I was thrilled to be part of your campaign and meeting so many wonderful writers and bloggers! Looking forward to the next one. (=

    ReplyDelete
  40. Congrats, Elise, on placing! An amazing story!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment!
Comments are the best. Well, the nice ones are. (:
I do my best to reply to everyone either via e-mail,
directly in the comment box or by leaving a comment
on your site. Chat with you soon!

Also, not interested in your spam. Really, I'm not interested.

J'écris, donc je suis (:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...