And You Are? Bloghop

Today two awesome folks Emily King and Tammy Theriault are hosting this fun little blog hop designed to embarrass the heck out of its participants. 
So of course I dove right in....wait, what?

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 "And You Are...?"
crazy.

1. How many speeding tickets have you gotten?
Only one, long time ago for going 97mph in a 65. 

2. Can you pitch a tent?
Do spiders on your toothbrush make you scream?

3. What was your worst vacation ever?
The one that made my bum explode. 



Warning, if you're not comfortable reading about stomach issues, and/or are easily grossed out or offended, then I suggest urge you skip to question 4, please.

The year was 1999. 

I went to Martinique with some college friends to bring in the Y2K. Though secretly, I was hoping for the global computer meltdown so we could get stranded on a paradise island. See, that's me always thinking ahead. Anyway, we stayed with a lovely host family in a beautiful home surrounded by a dense tropical forest. Simply put, we were in paradise. The third night there, our hostess made dinner for us, a créole soup called le pâté en pot. This local dish is often served on special occasions, family reunions, etc. It's made with a variety of wonderful fresh vegetables and surprise, sheep giblets and intestine. I'll give you a moment to chew on that...

It's still not too late to skip to the next question.

Normally, I'm the adventurous type and don't get squeamishness over such things, heck I'm half French and lord knows the French eat some weird s*** not to mention Martinique is an overseas region of France. But still, I was nervous about the soup but didn't want to come across as rude. So, I took a long sip of wine, then another, and lifted my spoon, took a quick breath and had me some sheep guts soup. Guess what? The soup wasn't bad. In fact, it tasted pretty damn good and I even finished the bowl. But, there were consequences, grave consequences for the little college girl. Later that evening I broke out into a cold sweat and spent the rest of the night throwing up in the toilet and trying not to crap on my ankles while doing so. Did I mention the walls were thin and there was a boy on that trip I was trying to impress? Total humiliation. But the fun doesn't stop here. Noooooooo.

The next day, we went to the beach and it was postcard perfect. The fine white sandy beaches were bordered by coconut palm trees for miles on end. Warm sun rays reflected off a calm, crystal blue-green sea. People relaxed on the their colorful beach towels and children frolicked in the water. And where was I? Curled up in a fetal position against a palm tree, fully dressed, shivering, and running a fever. But don't worry, I was going to be fine, right up to the point when I felt a disturbance in the force my stomach. My eyes popped open and cold panic splashed over me. There was no way I'd ever make it to the bathroom in time. I only had one other option, run to the trees. Half praying, half swearing, I hoofed it with urgency into the boarding woods. My stomach had me doubled over as sweat pored out of me and yet, my only thought was to get far enough into the vegetation where no one could see. At the very last second, I hunkered down and there was an explosion. Birds scattered and mother nature wept.

That day the toilet
paper was  green and waxy 
Worst. Vacation. Ever.

The End. 

4. What was the last thing you bought over $100?

A steam cleaner. 
My life is so boring but the steamer really is awesome.

5. We're handing you the keys to what?

My time machine that moonlights as an alien spaceship, of course. 
That's something that would have keys, right?  

6. What was the last meal cooked that made even you sick?

 see question 3

7. Fill in the blank: Oh my gosh! Becky, look at her butt! It is so big. She looks like _____?

...the butt of many jokes.

8. What was your first car?

The first car I ever drove legally was a blue 1990 Chevy Cavalier. Thanks Mom. 

9. Your best friend falls and gets hurt. Do you ask if he/she's okay or laugh first?
If she gets hurt then I'm not laughing. But, I will laugh at her after she gets better.  

10. What's the worst song ever?
There are so many, but right now the 12 days of Christmas makes me 12 shades of crazy.

Thanks ladies for the bloghop!