Sunday, 2 December 2012

And You Are? Bloghop

Today two awesome folks Emily King and Tammy Theriault are hosting this fun little blog hop designed to embarrass the heck out of its participants. 
So of course I dove right in....wait, what?


 "And You Are...?"

1. How many speeding tickets have you gotten?
Only one, long time ago for going 97mph in a 65. 

2. Can you pitch a tent?
Do spiders on your toothbrush make you scream?

3. What was your worst vacation ever?
The one that made my bum explode. 

Warning, if you're not comfortable reading about stomach issues, and/or are easily grossed out or offended, then I suggest urge you skip to question 4, please.

The year was 1999. 

I went to Martinique with some college friends to bring in the Y2K. Though secretly, I was hoping for the global computer meltdown so we could get stranded on a paradise island. See, that's me always thinking ahead. Anyway, we stayed with a lovely host family in a beautiful home surrounded by a dense tropical forest. Simply put, we were in paradise. The third night there, our hostess made dinner for us, a créole soup called le pâté en pot. This local dish is often served on special occasions, family reunions, etc. It's made with a variety of wonderful fresh vegetables and surprise, sheep giblets and intestine. I'll give you a moment to chew on that...

It's still not too late to skip to the next question.

Normally, I'm the adventurous type and don't get squeamishness over such things, heck I'm half French and lord knows the French eat some weird s*** not to mention Martinique is an overseas region of France. But still, I was nervous about the soup but didn't want to come across as rude. So, I took a long sip of wine, then another, and lifted my spoon, took a quick breath and had me some sheep guts soup. Guess what? The soup wasn't bad. In fact, it tasted pretty damn good and I even finished the bowl. But, there were consequences, grave consequences for the little college girl. Later that evening I broke out into a cold sweat and spent the rest of the night throwing up in the toilet and trying not to crap on my ankles while doing so. Did I mention the walls were thin and there was a boy on that trip I was trying to impress? Total humiliation. But the fun doesn't stop here. Noooooooo.

The next day, we went to the beach and it was postcard perfect. The fine white sandy beaches were bordered by coconut palm trees for miles on end. Warm sun rays reflected off a calm, crystal blue-green sea. People relaxed on the their colorful beach towels and children frolicked in the water. And where was I? Curled up in a fetal position against a palm tree, fully dressed, shivering, and running a fever. But don't worry, I was going to be fine, right up to the point when I felt a disturbance in the force my stomach. My eyes popped open and cold panic splashed over me. There was no way I'd ever make it to the bathroom in time. I only had one other option, run to the trees. Half praying, half swearing, I hoofed it with urgency into the boarding woods. My stomach had me doubled over as sweat pored out of me and yet, my only thought was to get far enough into the vegetation where no one could see. At the very last second, I hunkered down and there was an explosion. Birds scattered and mother nature wept.

That day the toilet
paper was  green and waxy 
Worst. Vacation. Ever.

The End. 

4. What was the last thing you bought over $100?
A steam cleaner. 
My life is so boring but the steamer really is awesome.

5. We're handing you the keys to what?
My time machine that moonlights as an alien spaceship, of course. 
That's something that would have keys, right?  

6. What was the last meal cooked that made even you sick?
 see question 3

7. Fill in the blank: Oh my gosh! Becky, look at her butt! It is so big. She looks like _____?
...the butt of many jokes.

8. What was your first car?
The first car I ever drove legally was a blue 1990 Chevy Cavalier. Thanks Mom. 

9. Your best friend falls and gets hurt. Do you ask if he/she's okay or laugh first?
If she gets hurt then I'm not laughing. But, I will laugh at her after she gets better.  

10. What's the worst song ever?
There are so many, but right now the 12 days of Christmas makes me 12 shades of crazy.

Thanks ladies for the bloghop! 


  1. OMgosh.... that was gut-bursting funny.

    By "funny" I mean Q.3.... which *will* live on in infamy.

    PS: Me no go to Martinique.

    Thanks for the late-night laughs as I stress to finish WIP#1

  2. Food poisoning is awful especially when you are in strange surroundings. I bet you've never eaten that food again! Your answer to Question 8 could be developed - the first car you 'legally' drove - what time would you go to in your time machine, past or future?

  3. Mark: I'm already regretting Q3, lol, but glad you got a kick out of it. But I have to say, Martinique was amazing, once I got my s*** together. :P Oh, the bad puns and jokes are endless on this one.

    Sally: I haven't eaten that soup since, but may try it again if I have the proper meds to take for dessert just in case! Q8, what can I say...I was such a bad kid. (; As for the time machine, I'd go to both past and future for sure.

  4. I love your writing style and your story. Sorry about your bad vacation, but I hope you can laugh about it now. I know I am. I am a new follower. I played too, check it out if you have a chance.

  5. Hi Elise. Nice to meet you! I like you already. ;)

    Girl, I feel for you on that vacay. Wow. That's very reason why I take local cuisine very carefully. My hubby had something very similar happen in China after eating something foreign. And the bathrooms there are the kind you have to squat over and there's never any TP unless you're in the hotel. Luckily, we knew this in advance and carried tissue with us or he'd have been up sh** creek. Literally.

    As for the keys to the time machine, yeah, that would be the Tardis, in which D. Who does have a set of keys for. And yours is the best answer I've seen yet. :D

  6. First car you drove legally? Now I want to hear about the illegal ones!
    The time machine/space ship just might be push-button.

  7. Pk Hrezo: Great to meet you too! I feel so sorry for your hubby, what a way to ruin a trip. Oh and I really dislike the squat toilets too. We run into those kind here in France once in a while. I always roll up my pant legs to my knees before going in. And do you think you could swipe the keys to the Tardis for me? Think Dr. Who would mind if we took her for a spin? You know, since Alex ^^ so kindly reminded me that my machine is a push button! :P

    Alex: Sadly, I was not a model teenager...

  8. I think the spaceship would need alien DNA to operate, right? LOL!

  9. I love that "it's still not to late to skip to the next question" part.

    And the "first car I drove legally" bit. I'm with Alex... I want to hear about the illegal ones.

  10. good sh.. uh, stuff, el ;)

    a version you can live a bit longer with... it's canadian, eh? :P

  11. I only like the 12 days of Christmas if it's being made fun of. Funny story about your vacation, that certainly qualifies as a terrible experience!

  12. Yea, I get pretty sick of The 12 days of Christmas.

  13. Stopping by to say hi. I agree with the worst song pick too. Have a good day.

  14. oh no! sickie vacays are the worst! thats my survivor fear!
    yay for time machines!

  15. I could hardly read 4-10 because I was laughing so hard I was crying. Great story, Elise. ROFL - You need to work that into a book.

  16. David loved your answers, Elise! I think you win for the worst vacation ever. And that song is awful. Who the heck would want a partridge in a pear tree? I mean come on, every girl wants DIAMONDS for Christmas!

  17. Ah-hahahahaha!!!!! You, Elise, are the funniest person I've come across so far in this hop... I'm dying... Classic.

  18. I think the worst Christmas song ever is that awful "Grandma got run over by a reindeer." I know it's supposed to be funny, but it just rubs me wrong when it comes to the holiday and seems like something rednecks really like. I'd rather just listen to Silent Night or something like that (and even then in moderation).

  19. Mina: uhhh, do you know where I can get myself alien blood? Would Eric know? (;

    MJ: I'm all for giving people plenty of warning. (;

    DS: (;

    lawolf: XD

    JA: You'd like the song laughingwolf suggested then, it's actually not bad but only because it's kinda funny. (:

    Sara: That song makes me want to shove ice picks in my ears.

    Diane: Hello, thanks for dropping in! (:

    Tara: Time machines should be on everyone's wish list. (;

    Melissa: You know, I'm laughing just thinking that you're laughing! xD

    Emily: David is easy to please, :D glad he liked it! And I think you're onto something with the Christmas song, you should come up with new lyrics, I like your style already!

    Morgan: LOL and embarrassed. :D

    Michael: LoL, that is an awful song.

  20. 97?! NICE! LOL!

    Oh boy, what a vacation story! ;)

    1. Really officer? I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was going 97, my speedometer only goes to 85. o.O

  21. Ok, ok you win the prize on the Worst Vacation Ever post. MML!

    Visiting from "And You Are ...?"

    Come and visit me for my Countdown to Kitschmas!

  22. LOL. You. Are. Hilarious. But brave enough to bare the truth, which is commendable.

  23. OMG that story.. that was an awesome read-- I'm sorry my entertainment came from your pain! But, curiousity has gotten the best of me-- what do leaves feel like on one's bum????

  24. Bahaha, I don't think I've ever driven 97 mph in my life! And I skipped your story--prego right now, and queasy stomach!! Loved the time machine, can I get one too? :-p

  25. Oh my God. You should totally win for worst vacation story ever. You definitely deserve a prize for having lived through that. I take it the boy was not impressed with you? haha.

  26. Tami: Hi Tami, I'm on the way =====>

    Matthew: (;

    Azia: LOL! I love a curious mind. Let me satisfy your curiosity by saying they feel quite nice actually. Smooth, cool and waxy. The only trouble is they aren't very absorbent, so if you try this, you'll half to defoliate half a tree to get the best shine.

    Cortney: CONGRATULATIONS! Sikpping Q3 was the best decision you could have made! And can you believe I got pulled over at 97? He could have at least let me reach 100. (;

    Tamara: No, the boy just thought I was full of s***.

    1. Azia: sorry for the typo, typing late at night is not recommended, at least not for me. *you'll have to defoliate... not "half"! ugggg.

  27. Steamers make me excited too. I have no life. New follower. Please consider following me.
    Java With Jambor

  28. OMG! You make me laugh :) If it makes you feel any better, I have a similar story. Location- Ecuador, of course! But it was on my honeymoon and my husband lost the keys to the house on the beach- and that's when the, ahem, tummy troubles hit me.

    1. Guess that's when I knew it was true love when he stuck around after that, and he did feel bad about losing the keys.

  29. I think you should have gotten keys to a time machine to go NOT eat the soup...although me laughing out loud was worth the event happening. And you did awesome writing it!

  30. This was so awesome it made me laugh until my weak little abs hurt: "At the very last second, I hunkered down and there was an explosion. Birds scattered and mother nature wept." Beautiful description.

    Does that spam disclaimer on your comment intro work? Because some spammer has been assaulting one of my posts (the same one, fortunately) daily for the last month. It's getting old.

    I got distracted reading your back posts, so I've signed up for more. You rock!

  31. Oh my gosh. That really would be the worst vacation ever! Kudos for sharing, though. That took guts!

    Er, poor choice of words there... LOL

  32. WOW 97 in a 65! Were you late for something? haha

  33. Your Y2K story is EPIC. Totally cracked me up. Thanks for sharing and happy hopping!

  34. I definitely want the time machine even if it didn't go into space.

    Wrote By Rote

  35. You win worst vacation ever. Hands down. Ugh! Hideously sick in paradise.

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

  36. Melodie: LOL! Totally. (:

    A.L. Jambor: Hello, nice to meet you! Love my steamer too, they do a great job. On my way to your site and thank you for the follow. (:

    Rose! OMG that would be the worst, on your honeymoon too! Well I would have to agree, you've found true love. :D

    Tammy: And thanks to you and Emily for hosting. This was fun. (:

    Azara: Hello and nice to meet you! To be honest I'm not sure if the spam disclaimer works. I get about one spam message a month if that. But then again, I don't get a whole lot of traffic on my site. Hope your abs are feeling better today. (:

    Carrie: Actually, that was an excellent choice of words! (:

    Kelley: Yes, the future. (;

    Sus: Hi Sus, nice to meet you and glad you got a chuckle out of this. (=

    Arlee: A time machine would be great...

    Shannon: LoL, it was pretty bad. At least I can laugh about it now. (;

  37. But it was a great holiday apart from that one little episode, right??

    I was also irrationally excited by answer 4. My steam cleaner works a treat on my otherwise very hard to clean kitchen floor! :D

  38. Question three is "the cherry on top of the cake"!
    A real Kodak moment - though your face is the last thing you probably wanted to be seen at that moment (well, amongst other unmentionable things...) LOL

  39. Oh don't touch the creole soup. Got it!

    97 in a 65 mph zone? OUCH.

  40. Nick: Well, after the "episode" I got some proper medication and had the opposite problem for 4 days! At least I did enjoy the last few days of the vacation but was worried I'd never get back to "normal." :D

    Michelle: Ha! I'm not sure what was worse, the stomach pains or the's a toss up, lol!

    Jay: Thanks for stopping in, Jay. The creole soup sure did a number on me...but it was good taste wise and if ever offered, I may try it again in the future. Maybe. (;

  41. And skipping Martinique as my next holiday destination. :)

  42. Lots of things are making people something shades of everything lately. Going to have to agree with you there. Awesome answers! :)

  43. ...hilarious ;)

    Great post, Elise.


  44. Hilarious! You definitely deserved the win. :)

  45. Stina: xD Minus my little "problems" Martinique is a beautiful country.

    David: I think shades of something will become its own trope soon... :P

    Elliot! Thanks for stopping in, and glad you liked it. :D

    Elizabeth: Thanks so much Elizabeth, glad you enjoyed it. (:

  46. Congrats on winning! You totally deserve it.

  47. Oh, Elise. I so very missed your posts. Whenever I need to smile or laugh, I truly now where to go. too F'in funny! XOXO!


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