R for RUMPOLOGY

(((((: Hey guys, I'm posting R early because I'll be on the road all day Saturday and Sunday. My apologies for not being able to visit this weekend, but I will catch up on Monday. I also want to thank you for the encouraging comments you guys left in my last post. 

You all are amazing. :)))))

Rumpology is fortune telling by reading people's butts. Also called "Bottom Reading." 

"What? Are you serious?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Ugg, that's gotta be a total bummer of a job."

"May I continue?"

"Oh, right. Sorry." 

A 'rump reading' is performed by a rumpologist who examines crevices, dimples, warts, moles, and folds of a person's buttocks in much the same way a chirologist would read the palm of the hand. 

"Um, warts? Oh, that can't be a good sign."

"No, I suppose not. Can you please stop interrupting now? I'm getting behind."  

This practice not only exists, but certain rumpologists get paid butt-loads of money for their rump readings. According to astrologer Jackie Stallone, rumpology is known to have been practiced in ancient times by the Babylonians, Indians,  Ancient Greeks, and Romans. (Asstonishing) But bare in mind, she has yet to provide any evidence for this claim. (Source).  So who is this Jackie Stallone anyway? Only actor Sylvester Stallone's mother. (o_o)  

"Can I ass you a quick question?"

"That's not even funny."

"Not even a little?"

"No."

"Well that's cheeky of you."

"Stop."

"I'm hungry for halibut. You?"

"Stop it!"


Now, where was I? Oh yes, rumpologists have a variety of theories as to the meaning of different posterior characteristics and can preform rumpology either by sight, touch or by using buttock prints. 

"Off to the xerox machine I go!" 

*eye-roll, shakes head*

In addition to live readings, Jackie Stallone will perform circus tricks buttock readings using e-mailed digital photographs, and has claimed to predict the outcome of Presidential elections and Oscar awards by reading the bottoms of her two pet Doberman Pinschers.

"WTF?"

"Yeah, I'm actually behind you on this one."

According to Mom Stallone, the left and right buttocks reveal a person's past and future, respectively, although she has also commented that "The crack of your behind corresponds to the division of the two hemispheres of the brain."

"Bam! Proof people really do have their head up their ass!"

"You're butting into this post--AGAIN!" 

"Sorry. You're right. It's not good for us to be butting heads like this."

"Aaahhh! You're such a pain in my--"

"Ass?"

"Out!"

*Takes deep breath*  According to blind German clairvoyant and rumpologist, Ulf Beck, "an apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life. A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth." The British rumpologist Sam Amos also uses shape to diagnose personality, and claims that "A round bottom indicates the person is open, happy and optimistic in life. However, a flat bottom suggests the person is rather vain and is negative and sad." 

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Although, I'd probably feel better if my ass was perky and "apple-shape" perfect. Does my butt look flat to you?

*Throws post notes into the air* "That's it. I've hit bottom. I give up."

"Awww. Don't feel bad. This post really isn't all that it's cracked up to be. On a side note, do you think Jensen Ackles needs a rump reading? I'm thinking about another career change. . . "

Other random R_ology words

Rabdology: Method of performing arithmetical operations using Napier's bones. Graduated rods called Napier's bones are used to perform multiplication quickly.

Rheology: The science dealing with the deformation and flow of matter. 

                                         

L for LIPSOLOGY

Lipsology is the practice of analyzing the shape of a person's lips in order to discern their personality. This practice is similar to phrenology, palmistry, and graphology, which also examines certain physical traits as a means to deduce one's psychology and morality. However, this is nothing more than pseudoscience at best. 

Ok lipsologists, analyze this!

Other lovely L_ology words:

Latrinology: The study of latrine graffiti or the writings on restroom walls. 
I swear, I am not shi***** you. I guess someone has to document the scribbling of the shithouse poet. And besides, it's where I get the best material for my blog. 

Ludology: Usually referred to as game studies or gaming theory, is the study of games and gaming, especially video games. It is an academic discipline that deals with the critical study of games. More specifically, it focuses on game design, players, and their role in society and culture. Game studies is an inter-disciplinary field with researchers and academics from a multitude of other areas such as computer science, psychology, sociology, anthropology, philosophy, arts and literature, media studies, communication, theology, and more. (wikipedia)

Limacology: The study of slugs. One of you guys asked about this a few posts back. The answer is, yes.

Labology: The collection of beer and wine bottle labels. I'd be a terrible Labologist because when I drink beer, I can't help but pick at and peel off the label in strips that end up in a pile on the counter. Yeah, I'm one of those . . . 

Crazy Lady and Her Gothic Vamps Doll

I know this 35 year old crazy lady that recently bought herself a toy doll not too long ago. She'll remain nameless because well, she's crazy. Anyway, every time crazy lady goes into a toy store, she ends up buying something for herself. Crazy, I know! I heard the last time she went in the toy store she came out with an overpriced Darth Vader Lego key chain whose feet light up when you press his belly. Seriously, so immature. 

Anyway, crazy lady did it again. She went to buy her friend's four year old daughter a birthday present and came out with the strangest thing, A Gothic Vamps doll. I heard she kept mumbling something about it being a steal at over half off the original price. Now, I don't know much about these dolls, but they're apparently part of a series dressed in Gothic attire with vampire inspired make-up. The store was discontinuing the series because they weren't selling and crazy lady snatched the last one.  I can just imagine the conversation between crazy lady and the cashier...


"Would you like the doll gift wrapped, madame?"
"Oh no merci, it's for me."  
(o_O)

So because I'm a curious creature, I went to crazy lady's house and asked her directly if she really bought the doll for herself. She smiled at my question and welcomed me inside. Not only did she admit to buying the doll, but she also pulled it out of a large black and bright pink box to show me. Crazy lady was crazy, but she turned out to be pretty nice as well. I then asked her why she bought it and the strangest conversation ensued:

     "Well Elise," she said picking the doll off the table. "I bought her for many reasons. First, I love her bold and dramatic make-up. From her blood red lips to her striking blue and pink sparkly winged eyeshadow and thick black eye liner. Then there's her hair. She has Merida hair, only blond. And feel how soft it is." She put the doll in my hands and I felt the thick tight curls of hair. She was right, it was super soft and smelled like vanilla. "The other thing I love are her eyes." I looked back at the dolls face and the eye lids opened to large round black irises framed with fabulous thick lashes. "I'm so tired of blond haired dolls with blue eyes, you know?" I nodded in agreement but wasn't quite convinced yet. "Now, look at her clothes. She's got a Gothic style that's also playful with the red flared skirt, little black bows, and high collar of her plunging V neck white blouse. She also has these cute little accessories." She pointed to the necklace and leather bracelet to make sure I noticed. "And of course, how can you not like the dragon tattoo in the middle of her chest! Barbie never had a tattoo like that when I was growing up." I giggled at the image of a tattooed goody two-shoes Barbie that bubbled in my head. The dragon tattoo on this doll was risqué but it went well with the overall ensemble. Crazy lady took the doll out of my hands and lifted the doll's skirt. "She also has a real proportioned waist, real thighs and a cute little belly that pooches out. Nothing like some of these ultra thin and long legged body types I see on other kinds of girl dolls. And as if that wasn't enough, she has black leather and lace underwear, black lace thigh-high stockings and black thigh-high leather boots!" (O_O) I forced a smile because frankly, staring up a dolls skirt was a bit weird even for me, but at the same time, crazy lady was right. The doll didn't have a freakishly thin body figure. And she did have black leather underwear.     

     "I agree there are some things cool about this doll," I said, taking it out of crazy lady's hands and smoothing down the doll's skirt. "But for one, she can't stand on her own feet and two, the plastic feels like a low grade material." I tapped my finger on the plastic to make a telling hollow thud sound. "And why is only her face painted a bleach white vampire color. What about the rest?" I said.

     "Because Elise, she's not a real vampire," crazy lady replied. "And I don't care if she can't stand by herself, I'm going to place her in a doll stand. I'm not actually going to play with her, you know." 

Later on that afternoon while driving back home, I thought about my conversation with crazy lady and realized she wasn't all that crazy. Maybe she was a tad lonely and a bit eccentric, but not crazy. Plus, it was so sweet of her to give me the doll. But I think I'll wait a few years before I give it to my daughter. (;  

See the +6 on the bottom of the box? That looked weird to me too.

I'll have to ask crazy lady about that next time I see her. Call

me old fashioned, but no way would I ever give this to a 6 year old, 

or even to a 10 year old!

****

So what do you think about crazy lady's doll? When was the last time you were given a toy or bought yourself one from the toy store? (:  

IWSG: Writer's Block

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                                        OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

                                        OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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                                        OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

                                        OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Above is a representation of my current feelings about my wip. Despite its simplicity, it manages to capture a litany of emotions depending on how it's interpreted. 


I remember drawing something similar in high school during a time when all I wanted was to fit in. But today, it has a different meaning. It represent the overwhelming obstacle I've created that's preventing me from finishing my ms - a writer's block. 


Unfortunately, I'm no stranger to the writer's block. It happens quite often but usually lasts a few days at most. Except two years ago when my block lasted 4 months. It was a nightmare. Anyway, I'm  close to finishing my wip in time for my self-imposed deadline. The problem is, I'm suddenly doubting the central plot. My brain has decided to launch a coup d'etat demanding I go in a different direction with the story. So now, I find myself up against doubts, plot holes, and insecurities at the bottom of the ninth which definitely doesn't help the muse. In fact, I believe my muse has packed her junk and left. I'm afraid I'm going to have to do something I've never had to do before. An outline.